Lesson 3 – What happens to my stuff?

So you’ve written a will, that means you’re covered, right? Well, yes, but there are ways to make things simpler. As I’m dealing with Colorado law, I’m using that as a base. If you live in another state, check your local laws. (Seems odd to me that probate and marriage laws are state based, since they’re so common, but I digress.) In Colorado, you can designate any personal property to anyone you know, if you do so under some basic rules. (The gifts must be written in your own hand and a couple of other things.)

Why is this important? Well, any personal property you bequeath to a particular person goes to them outside of the remainder of the estate. Meaning, it’s not subject to being valued and sold for the estate. Want your grandmother’s prized stuffed buffalo head to go to your barber – done. So in the case of Jo Ann, she could have bequeathed items to her children, siblings, friends, gardeners, nail techs and hair dresser (I met them at the Memorial Service) – any one she wanted. And she could’ve saved Stan, Chris, Cindy and I a bunch of work.

Sadly, she didn’t. Does that mean that those items can’t be given to the heirs? No, but the value of those items is now deducted from the remainder portion of the estate that they will receive. And only the heirs have standing with the will, so unless they take (and give back that value to the remainder estate) and then re-gift a items to other folks, everyone else is out of luck.

Yes, it’s a pain to write out your wishes about items of your personal property. And in Colorado you have to be fairly detailed about the items, so the Personal Rep can figure out what the decedent meant. But, especially if you had a blended family with heirlooms from each side, it’s the cleanest way to make sure items get to the people you want to have them.

Little things can mean so much.

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Estate, Probate and You

So, if you are lucky enough to have had a will for the decedent, the next step is to begin the Estate and Probate process. The will should state the person that the decedent wants to be their Personal Representative, usually with a couple of choices in descending order. This person will be charged with fulfilling the decedents wishes with respect to the dispersal of property and assets in accordance with the will and the relevant law.

A couple of definitions –

1. Estate -In context of probate, the estate of a deceased person consists of all the property, whether real or personal, owned by the person at the time of death.
2. Probate -The process of legally establishing the validity of a will before a judicial authority. In reality, it’s also the process of completing dispersal of the estate.

The Estate of a decedent is open for a period of time; in the state of Colorado in can be no less than 6 months. Simple estates can be closed in this time, but some take up to a year or longer. During this time you will marshall the assets of the estate, pay the creditors, liquidate assets that cannot be distributed as is (like giving a house to more than one person), pay the expenses of the estate (different from creditors), and file a final tax report. Doesn’t sound too bad, but there are quite a few pieces to bring together.

Inventorying the assets means finding everything of value and putting a value on it. $100,000 in savings, not so hard. A house; you get a qualified appraiser. But everything in the estate, including personal property, has to have an estimated value associated with it. So the Personal Rep has to complete an inventory of these things before 90 days has passed. (In our case, I’m doing the inventory since Stan does have a job to go to.)

It’s important to remember that the process of probate is a legal proceeding, therefore you should throw common sense out the window. Common sense says that if you have three apples and three people to give them to, each person gets an apple. In probate, you must establish the value of the apples, and then if the heirs want an apple, that cost is put up against their total share remainder of the estate. And if they don’t want an apple, the Personal Rep must attempt to get full value for the untaken apples and add that to the pot to be divided amongst the heirs. And I didn’t choose an apple in jest – every item in the estate has to be valued, and attempted to be sold if not desired by the heirs. So though the apples have minimal value, it’s not zero and the Personal Rep is required to show that he/she did due diligence to turn the apples into value or they are not doing their job.

Now it is clear that this is done to maximize that value of the estate for the heirs, but it’s a huge pain in the ass. So while you have mourning your loved one, you get to pick through and catalogue all their stuff – yuck.

The Personal Rep will also need to close the decedents accounts and start the process of transferring them into accounts in the name of estate. For the most part, that was not too difficult. Most companies wanted either a copy of the death certificate or the Letters Testamentary. But it can take a while to find them all. e.g. We have a toll road that goes to the airport. Most folks have an account with Express Toll and a transponder that talks to the overhead sensors to change you for your trip. But they don’t send out statements as often as many billers. So it wasn’t until I was preparing the car for dispersal that I saw the transponder and remembered to call them and cancel the account. And there was $13 on account, so that goes back into the estate.

A comment about creditors/expenses. For the most part, any bill that was created by the decedent before their death is a debt of the estate. Those are paid, but they are down the list a bit. Expenses of the Estate, like paying for the funeral or buying death certificates, things that tend to happen after the death, are paid further up the list. It’s sometimes hard to keep them straight.

So, what does all this mean? You need to choose a person to be your Personal Representative that is organized, has some understanding of money, has reserves of patience, and has the emotional stamina to make it through the job. If you have few personal possessions – say you have moved into assisted living and have a small suite of furniture and clothes – closing your estate should be fairly easy. If you have a 3000 square foot house and 50 years of accumulated stuff, closing your estate may drive your Rep to drink (if they don’t already). And please, for goodness sake, do not appoint a Personal Rep if you have not asked them to take the job. That just seems mean.

Some of these issues are avoided when one spouse dies and the rest of the estate is given to them, but that’s only temporary. If you die with a small estate – $20,000-$50,000, varies by state, some of this can be avoided. But “Glad I’m poor, so my heirs have an easy probate,” isn’t really a good start.

If any of this doesn’t make sense, please ask. And as always, I’m not a lawyer (I just talk a lot), so do not rely on my ranting as advice.

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Introduction

So just to get this out of the way up front – these posts are not about dying in a metaphorical sense. God, no god, afterlife, reincarnation not the focus of my words. This is about the nuts and bolts of what has to be done after someone dies. This process can be so mind numbing that I wish to whack my head against the wall, so I’m reframing this as a lesson for myself and others in how to get through this process with sanity intact.

A couple of disclaimers

1. I am not a lawyer, financial professional, CPA or professional in the funeral-industrial complex. Don’t take my words as gospel, they’re just guidelines (or maybe suggestions as the movie says).
2. I am living and dealing with probate and estate law in the state of Colorado. Other states may do things differently. If I know there’s a difference because of the state, I’ll try to make that clear.
3. In this case, we are dealing with a single person who has died. Many of these things are made easier with a surviving spouse, since most property can be fairly easier transferred to a surviving spouse. But most of us will eventually deal with the death of a single parent at some point.
4. I’m happy to answer questions, if I can. Feel free to ask.

And a final disclaimer – I am writing about this process with the consent of my husband, whose mother, Jo Ann, is the one that died. I will refer to her by name, but I will try to keep personal details to a minimum.

Lesson 1 – What should I have and where should I put it?

Though many people never get around to it, there are papers you can create that will make dealing with your death easier for those left behind. The number one document folks think of is a will. No doubt, having a will will facilitate everything that comes after. There are  upfront costs involved in having a lawyer prepare a will, but they are nothing against the extra costs that can be incurred by not having one. There are online services that can create wills at lesser costs and they are better than not having a will, but they are not as good as one created by a lawyer. (No I am not being paid by any law firm. Consumer Reports just reported as much.)

Part of having a will, however, it telling someone where it is. Reasonably, someone other than you should know where your will is. In Jo Ann’s case, she hadn’t told us, but she did tell her lawyer where it would be. But she never got the will to where she said it would be. We did find it, but it would’ve been nice to avoid the search.

As part of her will, Jo Ann also created an advances medical directive, something we didn’t need to use, but I am glad she had made those wishes known to us. There were other document that would have made it easier for us to conduct her affairs if she had been incapacitated.

In addition to the will, the survivors should be able to find life insurance policies, pension & IRA statements, house deeds & mortgages, medical insurance cards, social security numbers, income tax returns, birth certificate, divorce papers, military records, CDs, bank statements & check book, vehicle titles, and unpaid bills. And that’s not the entire list, just the highlights. You are going to need to contact all these folks, eventually.

We had things pretty easy. Jo Ann was very organized with her bills and finances, so we didn’t have to look too far to find stuff. But amassing all that stuff took time.

And then there’s what to do with the remains. Now this is a conversation most people would rather die than have, which is why so many do die without talking with anyone. When the will is written, the wishes of the decedent can be written in, but that doesn’t much info to the survivors about what type of service if any the decedent may have wanted. I’m one of those who think that if you don’t make these choices while you are alive, and then tell your loved ones what you want, you’re just going to make things harder for them when you die. Seems like a cruelty from beyond.

If you served in the military, you may be entitled to military honors at your funeral. If there’s a question as to whether you want such honors, let your loved ones know. It might be something that matters to them more than to you.

Finally, having access to the deceased’s phone book and calendar is very handy. There may be appointments to cancel, friends to call or accounts to cancel that may only show up in these places.

There are more papers to follow, but those will appear in later lessons.

Next up – Lesson 2 – Estate. probate and you.

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As someone who lived all of my life until Jan of 2011 with fire as a regular part of my life, I have been amazed at the lack of concern about fire in Colorado. Personal fireworks and open burning are allowed almost everywhere, and few houses in the red zones have strong mitigation zones around them. Sadly, the lessons that CA has begun to implement were largely not learned in tim here in CO.

Firstly, my sympathies go out to those who have lost their houses in any of the recent fires (Left Hand Canyon, High Park, Waldo Canyon and others). And even more to the families of those who have died. Mercifully, only one person has died in the Waldo Canyon fire, so far. With as many folks evacuated, it’s a wonder that there weren’t more injuries.

But when the TV reporters and later city officials said that they had never seen anything like the march of the Waldo Canyon Fire on Tuesday, they may not have seen it, but folks in CA had. In 2003 and 2007, I watched similar firestorms burn hundreds of homes. Homes on the edge of the wilderness with shake shingle roofs and no mitigation from the trees and brush. I’ve seen the pattern of multiple burned out homes with two or three houses still standing. I’ve heard the same complaints about lack of information, wanting to go back and fight the fire yourself, or where were the planes (or trucks, or firefighters, or whatever). I’ve heard the “You never expect it to happen to you,” from people who only took a couple of things and expected to go home. I expect to hear the complaints about the insurance companies begin soon. And then the calls of “I’ll rebuild no matter what”, and “you can’t make me cut back the trees, I want to live in the forrest.”

It’s all so stupidly, hauntingly, repetitive. The idea that we have the power to stop fire driven by the wind is foolish. Our only avenue is to be prepared, and that means learning from mistakes that have already been made. If I ever have to evacuate for any reason, I know where to go to get what I need. Chances are I’ll’ never need to, but being ready is the only thing we can control.

Of all the things I left in California, fires like these are one I wouldn’t mind having left behind permanently.

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when you’re having fun. So one year ago today I arrived in Colorado to start a new phase of my life. Although there are a few things that could be improved (like getting the condo sold and a house purchased), on the whole it’s been one of the better years of  my life.

I’ve been able to live with much of my stuff in a tetris-like wall of storage, proving that stuff is clearly less important on the happiness scale. Of course, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve said ‘I have one of those in storage” to Stan I would be at least $50 ahead.

I’ve continued to learn how to navigate Colorado weather including snow, sleet (or hail, in my opnion), rain, thunderstorms and winds from the west. Although asked many times about the winter cold, it was the summer heat that was harder for me to take. Looking forward to central air!

It has been hard to be away from the people who I have known for many years, but there have been new (and old ) people in Colorado, and I expect more new folks the longer I live here. People are usually quite friendly although driving with bicycles can take a bit of getting used to.

Navigating has taken a bit of getting used to, but usually the mountains to the west (backwards of So Cal) are helpful in getting your bearings. And if everything is really flat, your going toward Kansas. The car has held up well, with only a new battery, snow wipers, and low temp window cleaner added.

I’ve traveled to Italy, ridden on several trains, witnessed hereford judging and scottish games, punted on Cherry Creek, been to the top of 2 14,000 foot mountains, watched the Padres beat the Rockies (3 times!),  and got married.

The reason that all these things (and many others) have been so much fun it that I’ve been able to share them with someone who makes enjoyable things a joy and boring things bearable, someone who makes me want to be a better person, someone with patience and kindness in spades, and someone who can make me laugh no matter how bad things seem – Stan.

Thank you for letting me be part of your life. I love you. Here’s to many more.

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I can always tell when I need to write something down because is gnaws at me until I put the words down. It doesn’t happen as often as it used to, but every once and a while it still does – and this one won’t let me go. And it’s going to open a door that I usually don’t leave wide open. Bear with me; this might take a while to come together, however.

I read a number of blogs on subjects as wide ranging as comics, history, skepticism, higher education, astronomy, foreign policy, baseball, sports uniforms, and movies, just to name a few. On of these blogs is written by an Australian philosopher named Russell Blackford. He writes about a variety of things, but is known as an atheist. He participated in an IQ2 debate about atheism titled “Atheists are Wrong.” These live debates are scored through audience voting before and after, and bring together participants (usually 2 or 3 per side) to argue for and against the proposition. Russell participated on the opposition and made some comments about the debate at the time, but I wasn’t really drawn in.

A couple of weeks ago he posted a sizable rebuttal to the written transcript of one of the participants for the other side, namely Tracey Rowland. As is often the case, Rowland’s argument didn’t really contain any data on why atheists are wrong, but it did contain some very disturbing (to me, at least) comments about the second-class status that she believes atheists live in.

Her argument is nicely summed up in her final sentence,  “I believe that the atheists are wrong because human life cannot be this meaningless.” Firstly, that’s not a rebuttal of the premise of the debate – maybe life is that meaningless, but that doesn’t support the argument that atheists are wrong. Life could be meaningless and god could exist – both could be true. But aside from that issue, Rowland states common, but deeply offensive arguments against the equality of atheists that have really pissed me off.

She sees the dangerous break as happening in the eighteenth century when she says, “the intellectual fashion was to separate faith and reason.”  Once reason was free to go its way without religion, it was possible to see humans as just “a bundle of drives and urges.” She sees believers (who she call Christians, since she doesn’t seem to see believers who don’t share her faith) as in an epic quest to find true real love and goodness.

But the part that really got to me was this –

The…atheists have not only gone to war against God in their fight for limitless freedom, but they have evacuated the human person of any self who might enjoy that freedom. Sexual relations hollowed out into their materialist shell become mutual manipulation; political relations hollowed out into their materialist shell become brutal power; and market relations hollowed out into their material shell give us consumerism and status anxiety.

Wow, so because I don’t believe in god I have a type of freedom (albeit with an empty self), but I have no true feelings that can be expressed, no true desire to see government do the best for the greatest number of people, and no true sense that capitalism could be more than crass consumerism. Atheists bring out the worst in everything because a meaningful world can only come from god. (I’m betting that many of the fat cats that drove us into this recession through questionable financial dealings believe in god, however.)

Now Rowland does keep going this way, arguing that rationalists believe the state is our savior, that secularist states have killed more people over the years, and that “the cultural logic of atheism is the advance of a new ruling class, comprised of entrepreneurs and bio-technologists, who will try to perfect the human product by technological means.” I could get an argument going against all those things, but that’s not the part that really bothers me (since I’m not really worried about those things).

I am a physical being, programmed by DNA. Even if I believed in god, I couldn’t change that, and neither can anyone else (yet, I know biology is working on it). As I see Rowland’s argument, my lack of belief in god removes any purpose or significance in my life other than passing along my DNA (and I’ve failed in that one). So really, I should just check out right now, but no atheist I know or read would suggest that I should. I suppose that people who know me would prefer that I don’t just check out (I hope). But I guess those friends and family are just “mutual manipulation,” so it really doesn’t matter.

My trouble with Rowland’s argument is that it appears to make atheists (and non-Christians?) second-class citizens. If my life has no “meaning,” then why shouldn’t it be forfeit? I’m just taking up space, I suppose. And this is where I wonder if Rowland actually knows any atheists. And by that I mean has any as friends. I have friends that are Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Wiccans, Buddhists and agnostics. I may disagree with them about the existence of god, but I don’t go around calling them delusional, and denigrating their feelings about the world. I see them as caring, involved, members of society who do many things to bring about what they see as a better world, just as the atheists I know do. My husband notes that I am fighting against dogma, but I’m really more concerned about how Rowland actually would treat me or any atheist in person. Would she devalue my marriage because of my lack of faith, or deny it completely? By being an atheist do I become meaningless?

One of the arguments around the atheist community is about being out. Should an atheist make that known to the people in their life? Does that help make atheism less ‘scary’ or does it just make more targets? The LGTB community found that coming out made many folks realize that they knew gay people, and many think that knowing an atheist – a run of the mill, person who lives next door atheist rather than an activist – would be good for our group profile.

So here I am – I live next door to you. I pay my taxes and vote in elections. I donate to Toys for Tots at Christmas, and to the local food back. I pick up random pieces of trash in the parking lot, and I occasionally drive too fast. I love theater and opera as well as rock and jazz. I wonder at both the tiny minutia of the working of an atom, and at the grand view of Rockies outside my window. I feel love, sorrow, joy, pain, jealousy, anger, humor, and irony just like everyone else. I make the meaning in my life every day by making the most of the days that I have. I know they are finite – and that makes each one mean more, not less.

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“I think our major contribution [to computing] was in bringing a liberal arts point of view to the use of computers. If you really look at the ease of use of the Macintosh, the driving motivation behind that was to bring not only ease of use to people — so that many, many more people could use computers for non-traditional things at that time — but it was to bring beautiful fonts and typography to people, it was to bring graphics to people … so that they could see beautiful photographs, or pictures, or artwork, etc. … to help them communicate … Our goal was to bring a liberal arts perspective and a liberal arts audience to what had traditionally been a very geeky technology, and a very geeky audience.”

Steve Jobs on Fresh Air in 1997.

Leave it to Steve to put it into the best words, it was his idea. And it continued after he returned to Apple with the iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad and everything else. But his idea that the computer is a tool that everyone can use, is what set the Macintosh apart.

I got a chance to see the first Mac at the Kleerup’s house in late 1984 (I think). Because Eric went to Stanford, they had the chance to buy one (and could afford it). This was not the first computer (or Apple) that I had seen and attempted to use. But the flashing green symbols on a black screen were just another language that I wasn’t too able to  master. Oh yea, I learned how to do some basic DOS programming (printing labels from a database and such). But I had to go back to my notes every time, and I the more complicated functions eluded me completely. I’d use Pomona College’s IBM 4341 mainframe as a giant word processor, but all that work had to be typed by someone because the professors didn’t accept ‘computer generated reports.’

But the Mac, I though I could make that work. And more importantly, I thought it might make my job easier. A world with no lines of code to master, where the image on the screen looked like the page it got from the printer – now that had my attention.  I bought my first Mac, a 512KE (1986 I think), with the larger disk drive, and soon was making flyers for my job. I’m sure by today’s standards, I’d be embarrassed by my work, but not needing to employ someone to create the flyer made it possible (since the money wasn’t available to pay someone else). And though there could always be the frustration of working with a machine that was unerringly logical, it was a real life saver at times. I had mastered a computer – it did what I wanted.

I’ve used other PCs since that time, but I’ve only purchased Apple. Sometimes not as good as they should have been, but I knew that I could make them work. Since the 512KE I’ve had a Powerbook, a Performa 5200, an original iMAc (and a later iMac at work), iMac G5, a MacBookAir, an iPod Nano (1st gen), an iPod Nano (2nd gen), 2 iPhones, and my present machine, a dual core iMac. Though I have no IT creds to my name, I become the default expert at most places I have worked, even with Windows-based machines. I believe this is because I see computers as tools, and I am not afraid to rolling up my sleeves and figuring out how to do what needs to be done. I even added memory and a wifi card to a Mac, something that I was assured was easy by the how-to guides I found online. It was!

I don’t know what the future will hold for Apple. It is possible that they have enough bright people in place to keep the originality that Steve brought to the game in place, but I know that his contributions to my life are too numerous to list. And his genius will be missed.

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